The mirror is as kind as you make it.
Lindsey Richards Barnes
It’s funny, isn’t it? There’s the one person on the planet that we need to take care of and we ignore her (or him) or criticize her mercilessly. We have to live with this person forever and we treat her worse than any stranger.
Ourselves. Why do we do that? I don’t know. It certainly wasn’t covered in the adulthood sales pamphlet. We most definitely deserve kindness, too. Comparison to others just invites unhappiness. When you stop and think about it, does it really make sense to say such discouraging things to yourself as “you’re so clumsy” or “you won’t pass math” or “you can’t cook like grandma.”
It’s hard to make this chain of self-criticism stop, but I find it so much easier to turn it all off when it’s warm, sunny and lazy. Summer in Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley forces you to focus on things outside of your own belly button. I can sit in the herb garden and just breathe in all those glorious scents. I can stand on my porch and see the blue herons working the creek for young trout. I can go fishing. I can eat a bowl of strawberries, just because. There’s nothing like sunshine on your face and the scent of honeysuckle in the air to fix your feelings.
Winter is all reclusive and quiet, spring is full of hope, fall is the time to get your home ready for cozying up but summer, ah summer is a cupcake of a season. It’s light and fluffy. It’s the sound of an ice cream truck. It’s kids in a pool and popsicles. It’s the crack of a bat against a softball. Summer is synonymous with play. Summer is the season of positive thinking.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I realized that I talk to dogs much more kindly than I speak to myself. There’s the answer. Treat myself like an adorable, chubby puppy. Why not? I already have the physique of a beagle and the attitude of a chihuahua. I have the appetite of a labrador and the nap skills of a geriatric mastiff.
I knew a dog trainer who had been in the business forever. She said something that’s stuck with me. She said that if a dog wasn’t giving her the response she was asking for, then the dog didn’t understand it and that was on her, not the dog. As a trainer, she said that it was her job to teach it in a manner that the dog could comprehend because your student being successful was everything. So yeah, I need to change the way I give instructions to myself.
Instead of blaming myself for anything outside my control, I am going to talk to myself in kind, loving ways. I am going to talk to myself like I would a delightful puppy. I know this sounds silly, but our biggest critic in life is ourselves. We are our own worst enemy in terms of keeping ourselves stable and happy. Let’s change our mindset, let’s improve our lives.
First thing in the morning, when I look in the mirror, instead of focusing on my wrinkles and sags, and my hair that looks like someone used a Kitchenaid mixer on it in the night, I will say to myself, “You’re such a pretty girl, such a cutie pie, who wants some breakfast?”
And in the kitchen, when I get that jammed jar of raspberry jam open all by myself, “You’re such a clever girl. Well done, you!”
In my office when I’m stuck on some esoteric phrasing and my writing is just not working, how about taking a break with “Who wants to play?” or “Do you want a treat?”
I’ve always been an awkward girl and falling over my own two feet is a regular occurrence, but now instead of admonishing myself for being clumsy, I tell myself that I’m a funny person and am mastering my pratfalls.
“Who wants a nap?” or “Who needs some quiet time?” is gaining in popularity as I always feel that quiet time is in order. When the world feels like it’s screaming at you, a little quiet is so welcome, necessary even. My seasonal favorite quiet time place is in the hammock next to the apple tree. I find the gentle buzz of honeybees peaceful. I will nod off in puppylike serenity.
The point I’m trying to make is that lately the world itself seems to be screaming; don’t add to it and don’t listen to it. Particularly, don’t let it sit on your shoulders. You were not meant to carry this much all by yourself. Take a moment. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. Sit outside and listen to bees, birds and your own heart. Go to a local farmers’ market and buy yourself some sweet corn and a watermelon.
Who’s a good girl? You are, that’s right, you are!
Want a biscuit?
The story above first appeared in our July / August 2025 issue. For more like it subscribe today or log in with your active BRC+ Membership. Thank you for your support!